The Joker
by Attack-Kat
Summary: Mello has been acting like a girl on her period recently...maybe Matt can fix that... MattxMello Lemon. Oneshot.


It was happening again, even though he swore he would never do it again. Yet, against his pride, he was doing it again.

Matt got into his car, pushing guns and cigarettes onto the floor. He grumbled as he pulled his goggles up the bridge of his nose, looking back up at the building he just left.

The old cobble stone bricks reminded him of the Wammy House, where he grew up, and even the voice screaming at him from inside it seemed familiar. Matt flicked off the building and climbed into the car, quickly taking off.

Matt was tired of going on Mello's chocolate runs. It was stupid. Mello always seemed to ask him to pick up some of his precious Hersheys right when he was about to beat a level, so of course he would forget! Next thing he knew, the screen was dark and he did not even have a chance to save the game.

Mello cost him the game, that bastard.

Matt turned on the radio and began tapping his fingers to the beat of the first song that came on.

"I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker. I sure don't want to hurt no one," a man began singing. Matt could not help but laugh to himself. So far, this song was talking about him!

"I really love your peaches want to shake your tree," the voice carried on as Matt smirked to himself. No matter how much like a girl on her period Mello acted, Matt still loved his peaches and wanted to shake his tree.

Matt smacked the steering wheel and laughed.

"If I'm really a joker, then why not play a joke on that Mad Cow, Mello," he asked himself out loud and laughed. He pulled into the connivance store and smirked as he lit a cigarette. His day may be salvageable after all.

"Honey," Matt called as he swung open the door in a very spastic way, "I'm hooome!"

Matt stood in the door way, scanning the room for a blond harpy coming at him with a knife. He sighed and slouched over a little. His comedy routine was wasted again.

"Choco…late," Matt heard coming from behind him and began turning slowly to see what it was.

"AH!" Matt yelled upon seeing a wide-eyed, zombie Mello standing right behind him. Matt threw the grocery bag at the zombie, only for it to be caught and torn open.

Matt made a double-take and recognized Mello shoving a chocolate bar into his mouth.

"Oh, Mello," Matt began, taking a sigh of relief, "it's you." Mello only grunted as a response, letting Matt have enough time to take the grocery bag back and move forward with his prank.

"Oh, no, no, no. No chocolate for you yet," Matt smirked and waved a finger back and forth, only to get a hiss from Mello.

"Give me my chocolate!" Mello demanded, holding out a hand for it.

"So you're not completely an animal yet," Matt joked, "but, no. No chocolate. Not until you fix this bitch-on-her-period streak you have going here. So, I bought you these!" Matt grinned as kindly as possible as he pulled a box of super-sized Tampons and a tube of lube out of the bag. Mello's mouth fell wide open, just as Matt imagined it would. It took all his strength not to laugh.

"Matt…" Mello stammered.

"Yeeeees?" Matt asked, as if not realizing there was a problem.

"I have a penis…" Mello stated firmly.

"Really? You have not been acting like it recently. Well, here you go," Matt threw the tampons and the lube to Mello, "put one in."

"What?" Mello was obviously shocked.

"Go on, that is, if you want your chocolate," Matt snickered. This was too great! He closed his eyes and clinched his fists to keep the bubble of hysterical laughter down. He was about to end the joke there, but, when he opened his eyes, he could not believe what he saw.

Mello was untying his leather pants! Was he actually going to shove a lube covered tampon in his ass? No way, there was no way he was…but he sure was acting like he planned to.

Matt watched in disbelief as Mello took off his pants and then brought down his underwear. Matt's cigarette fell out of his mouth as Mello's member hung right in front of him. He could feel a little twitch of life in his own pants as Mello unwrapped one of the tampons, covered it in lube, and bent over.

I can't reach…you have to do it for me." At first Matt thought he must have died on his way to the grocery store, but then realized this was not heaven. He was probably in a coma for lung cancer. No, wait, people weren't put into a coma for cancer. Plus, he was cancer free!

"Hurry up, I want chocolate," Mello barked and snapped Matt back into reality. Matt took the tampon from Mello; it almost slipped out of his hand from the lack of friction because of the lube, and walked behind Mello.

Matt could feel a small bead of sweat run down his face as his member became long and firm, fighting the restraints of his pants zipper.

Matt put a hand on Mello's back to brace him as he put the tampon into his anis. He bit his lip when he began pushing it into Mello, who groaned from the slight pain of the foreign object inside him. Matt pulled the tampon out a little, afraid he had hurt Mello.

"No, keep going. I like the pain," Mello breathed in what sounded like ecstasy. Matt keep pushing in the plastic rod that was now half way into Mello, thinking to himself how lucky the tampon and how he wished he were inside Mello.

Mello rocked a little bit, moaning from the odd sensation in his rectum. Mello began swaying back and forth, then accidentally bumped into Matt's pants.

"Matt," Mello started, "do you have a screw driver in your pocket, or are you just happy to see my ass?" Matt could not take it anymore, he had to have him!

"I am happy to see your ass, but what's pocking you does like to screw and drive," Matt responded, pushing the tampon in and out of Mello. Mello screamed out at the sudden surprise of the force and pleasure as he fell to his knees.

Matt kissed at Mello's neck, bending over him as he worked the tampon inside Mello, swirling it inside him.

"Just take me now!" Mello screamed, which was all Matt needed to hear. Matt ejected the cotton plus into Mello and quickly began unbuttoned his pants. Mello turned over onto his back, examining the red headed boy before him.

Mello began easing off the boy's shirt and licking at his tickle trail. Matt smirked and lifted Mello's chin, keeping them at eye contact for only a second before crushing him with a heated and sloppy kiss.

Their tongs worked against each other as Matt slid off Mello's shirt. Matt began moving his way down Mello's neck, feeling all the vibrations in his throat from moans while kissing and dragging his teeth across his Adam's apple.

Matt's hands began feeling around and finally found Mello's ass, and eventually his anis. He stuck one finger into the hole, then two beside the tampon, feeling Mello's reaction on his teeth.

"Stop teasing, "Mello moaned almost inaudible. Matt knew what to do next. He placed Mello onto his lap then kissed Mello's chest while moving his hands under him.

Matt finally listed Mello up and onto his rock hard member waiting for Mello's anis, easily entering through the already lubricated passage way. Mello yelled and bit down on his lip as Matt entered him, pushing the tampon all the way into Mello and pushing into his prostate. The small cotton ball seemed to disappear as Matt began pumping into Mello, making him forget everything else in the world.

Matt could feel blood rush to his face as he made a circular motion with his penis. Mello moaned as his stomach muscles clinched from the orgasm on its way.

Just when Mello thought it could not get any better, he was being lifted into the air. He felt Matt's penis hit his prostate as Matt preformed a back bend, with Mello still skewered on his iron pole of a member.

Mello's scream came out just as air from the pleasure as Matt began bouncing Mello, hitting his prostate again and again. Mello felt waves of pleasure run through him as his fingers and toes flexed and clinched together repeatedly.

"I-I'm going to come!" Mello screams as the bouncing stopped and he was brought back down to Earth.

"Hold on," Matt mumbled and plugged Mello's penis with his thumb. Matt began grinding against Mello slowly, savoring the moment and touch of the blond boy. Mello gasped for air and felt blood rush to his head as he tried to hold back his orgasm.

Finally Matt let go of Mello's head and Mello released his orgasm, throwing back his head as his sperm sprayed all over Matt's chest. Matt soon followed, filling Mello with warm pleasure as Matt threw his head back, matching Mello in the bliss of post orgasm.

Mello collapsed onto Matt as he pulled his member out of him, his anis stung from the release of resistance keeping it open. They laid there, panting, and covered in each other's sweat and come.

It felt like hours later when Matt began stiffening again, poking Mello's member with his own. Mello could quickly feel his own member begin hardening as it pushed back against Mello's.

"Wait," Mello managed to breath out, still tired from the last round of passionate sex. Mello ran to his room and Matt stayed behind, listening to Mello rummaged through his belongings. Then, after a while, Mello returned carrying something. The item looked long and green, but, as he got closer, Matt could make out a handle and a button on the object.

"Sorry…I like tentacle-hentai," Mello confessed and pushed a button on the contraption, making it wiggle and toss around, almost making him drop it.

"Kinky…I like it," Matt smirked and took the tentacle from Mello, letting it wiggle and writhe against Mello's penis. Mello moaned and Matt knew it was time, yet again.

Matt thrust the tentacle into Mello, who jumped a little at the forced entry. Mello squeezed his eyes shut and fell to the ground. Mello held the tentacle in place and sat beside Mello, kissing his neck and watching him struggle not to scream out.

Matt grinned widely and was to busy staring at Mello's naked ass to notice Mello suddenly stretch his arm out and take Matt's hard member into his mouth. Matt's back arched as Mello pushed him in and out of his mouth. Mello alternated between sucking and swirling his tongue around Matt's head, causing Matt to moan. When Mello finally dragged his teeth arcoss the length of Matt's member, Matt gasped and began panting like a dog.

Matt thrust the tentacle a little deeper into Mello. As the machine began tickling his prostate, Mello shoved Matt all the way into his mouth, massaging his pelvis and licking his testicles from time to time.

"I'm going to c-" Mello didn't even get to finish his sentence before Matt shot into his mouth, and Mello shot onto the floor with a loud moas. Matt removed the tentacle from Mello and pulled him into his lat. Matt kissed Mello's neck gently as Mello nudged into his chest.

"I can't believe we actually had sex in the door way," Mello said, his voice still shakey from the second round of tentacle-hentai he had just experienced.

"I can't believe you put a tampon in you ass," Matt laughed as he nipped at Mello's ear lobe.

"I guess I will be crapping that out later," Mello joked, knowing good and well he would have to visit a doctor and have it removed. What an embarrassing trip that would be.

"I'll get you some laxative chocolate later, then," Matt responded, laughing a little into Mello's ear. The hot air tickled and sending shivers down Mello's spine.

"Can I have some chocolate now?" Mello asked as innocently as any uke could.

"All you want," Matt whispered and smiled against the ear, grabbing a chocolate bar off the floor behind him and began feeding it to Mello.


End file.
